What He Really Wants To Say
by pheonickx
Summary: "It's a wonderful to have something to call oneself. Somehow with that I felt a sense of completion, a thousand times better than the contentment of a full stomach."  Slightly AU, Told through the POV of a character based on my favorite policeman.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything from the Detective Conan series since that belongs to Gosho Aoyama... But I do own the plot.

If you're confused, well don't worry. It's a little random, and has a lot of AU(Alternate Universe). For some reason that's all my brain seems to be thinking lately...

* * *

Technically I was your everyday dog that you rarely passed on the streets. But I was very happy. There were still a few kids that came to look for me every so often. The kids that called themselves to the Detective Boys who solved cases and the like for fun.

I thought it was nostalgic how their faces would light up whenever I did find what they were looking for, and that itself was more than enough to make me happy. But I was more worried about Ai-chan.

I doubt she acted like a normal seven year-old, but then Conan was that way too. Nonetheless, she came by this morning by herself, and just left after talking to me for a while. Of course dogs don't talk or anything, but they d understand feelings.

And she had looked pretty happy, when she was talking to me. I was kind of wondering what had made her happier than usual today, and out of curiosity I followed.

Of course if I had known that her house was a few block up and over, I wouldn't have followed. The road that separates my area from hers is huge, and sometimes there is this group of boys, slightly older than Ayumi-chan I suppose, that thinks it's the funnest thing in the world to try catching stray cats and puppies.

Although technically I am full grown, twenty-six to be exact, I am pretty small for my age. Small enough to think that those idiots mistake me for a puppy.

And believe me, I want to remain in one piece and not have my fur prodded over and over. But there was no way I would bite a normal person just for the sake of that.

So I ran, maybe not such a good thing near the huge streets where cars can run over you and drive past without a care at al.

The last heard was a screech of tires and a brilliant flash of white.

* * *

Of course I wasn't dead I told myself. The next life doesn't offer such luxury like warm cushions and a sweet smell of sugar candies does it?

So I woke up and discovered, no I wasn't squished flat like I had thought a few seconds ago.

With that in mind, I began chugging down the sugar candies without a second thought. They were sweet, and they melted in your mouth, and made the funniest crunching noise when I bit them…. And quite painful if it went down the wrong way if you suddenly noticed a pair of violet eyes meeting my now frightened blue ones.

After coaxing me to eat the sweet candy out of hand, she carefully brushed her hand against my fur.

"Wow, you're so soft!" She rubbed her cheek on mine. I closed my eyes contentedly.

I tried moving my paws so she would be more comfortable, but decided against it as a sudden pain ran through my hind leg. Looked like I hurt it during the car accident, supposedly.

But it was only a light scratch and in a couple of days it would heal.

"I wonder what your name is little puppy?" I winced slightly. Surely I wasn't that small!

It did give a rather large blow to my pride but it was easily made up as she scratched behind my ears. It almost seemed like she was the 'owner' I never had.

The last and only person I remember being given that name was nothing but a shadowish face, a distant memory.

I don't think she minded my presence as much as I minded hers. So I cautiously and carefully curled myself up on her bed and drifted off into sleep.

It was the first time in a long while that I had slept so well.

* * *

It filled me with a strange kind of feeling to jump off her bed in the early morning when the cars themselves weren't even on the road. A pretty rare sight if you live in the heart of Tokyo.

The sound of her breathing and another person's wove a web of comfort and familiarity. I didn't want to leave very much, but that was what I was doing, my paws hardly making a sound on the wooden floor as I went out the door and down numerous flights of stairs, and into the streets.

Only later today when Ayumi had commented on the handkerchief bounded on my leg did I realize that I was currently in possession of something that was hers. It took a good three minutes of trying to wrestle it free before Ai-chan walked over and untied the white handkerchief.

After giving me several pats on my head, they were off. I pondered what to do. It would have been nice if I could keep it. It had a sweet scent, as if made of powdered sugar candies, much too good for the likes of here.

So that was how I found myself roaming the streets of Tokyo trying to find her house. Luckily, if I remembered correctly it was only on the second floor….

I finally found her apartment building.

But then there was the matter of getting in itself. I'm sure the the guys that guard the doors would have loved for me to enter uninvited.

Yeah right.

Well at least there had to be a tree or something.

I really don't get how people associate climbing with cats only. My thoughts were that dogs could do just the same. Maybe not as well since the wall that I was walking was kind of uneven. After battling my way through the rough stone, leaves and branches, I found myself within eye view of most of the second floor. I sniffed around.

I remembered her room had a nice smell of sugar candies in it…. And to my great despair it was a pretty dangerous jump from here to the source of the scent which was there. Not impossible, but hard to pull off. I looked down.

A flat ground covered with asphalt. Not very reassuring, but nevertheless, I backed up slightly for more running room.

I think it was a miracle that the tree branch didn't break with all that running I did on it. Or that I hadn't crashed into the other branches.

And it was even more of a miracle when I became airborne for a split second or two.

I felt like I was going to puke, but that was forgotten as I clawed my way onto the veranda for dear life. Normally I would have held on with my teeth too, but it was carefully holding the handkerchief, so no way.

I reminded myself not to look at the ground, but for a millisecond before I hoisted myself up I caught a glimpse of the cars and the unwelcoming asphalt.

And then I was on the platform of the veranda. It feels very strange for one that had lived on the ground all his life to be so high up, even if it was a platform, it was hard to believe that the thing wouldn't just crash when stepped wrong.

It was getting slightly dark now, and hopefully she had come already.

It wasn't so good to her health to be working so hard….

The hour of waiting on the veranda seemed like it never happened when I saw her face from the window. I pawed the glass doors before she let me in with a surprised expression on her face.

I carefully trotted up to her, holding out the handkerchief between my teeth. It occurred to me that I could have just left it there and went home, but now it was already done, I decided to go with the flow.

"Well don't you have nice manners, Taru-chan?"

"Oh so you named him already, Miwako?" A female appeared, presumably her friend who had come over or something said with a look that screamed something between boredom and disbelief.

"Hey! It was the first thing that came into my mind!"

She rewarded me with a couple of the sweet sugar candies, with the other woman saying that she really had no idea on what to feed a dog after all.

Taru.

It's a wonderful to have something to call oneself. To the Detective Boys, with their enthusiastic ways, I was just 'inu-chan' or 'tantei-chan' but to her, I was Taru.

Somehow with that I felt a sense of completion, a thousand times better than the contentment of a full stomach.

* * *

I think today was the happiest day of my life. I had a 'name' and found out what my dear officer calls herself. Satou Miwako, that is.

* * *

I found that I visited the place frequently regardless of whether she was actually there or not. Her being an officer, it was hard to say. But the long hours of waiting would be passed by in happiness, as I thought of her.

When she was there, as to constantly remind myself I wasn't dreaming, I understood, why some dogs would have guarded their owners to death. Was this what it was like having one?

To feel so happy that your heart felt like it would burst just by being near her?

To understand and listen even if you had no idea what was going on?

To put her happiness as a first priority?

To be loved so much that you forgot that you were ever lonely?

I had known what it was like to be appreciated by people from the Detective Boys.. But this was completely something else.

* * *

I forget since when I could tell her scent and voice from a hundred different ones.

Since when and why my face turned red when she cuddled me close.

Since when I've begun to notice that people out in the world seemed to be happiest when in love with another person.

The fact that I was one of those happy people was the actual truth. The world was a grand place to be, and everything seemed to shine like a kaleidoscope of colors.

When she wasn't treating me with candy stars or scratching all those ticklish places, she told me a lot about life through her eyes, whether it was complaining about how some idiot policemen made it very hard to find files and such, or just talking.

She was a strong willed officer, loyal to the force, smart, and funny. I was very happy that she was so open to me. I'm guessing it's because we actually listen and care instead of complicating things by pretending like some people do.

Today she told me a rather interesting story, about a new recruit that had been set as her partner. I think if Satou hadn't been an officer she could have been an author.

I don't think I've ever heard anyone describe what an annoying, smart mouth Matsuda Jinpei was so accurately.

And then came the day when the entire town seemed to be buzzing with the same news, how some officer had disassembled a mercury bomb on a Ferris wheel.

She told me a completely different story. She had a faint blush on her face, the kind I got from her when she graced me with one of her brilliant smiles. She tells me that it was a certain "idiot with the sunglasses" that had saved a lot of lives by risking his own life to diffuse the bomb and figure out the hint.

She finally stopped ranting on about how she was going to clobber him for making her worry about him dying long enough to tell me, what I think the reason was for her flushed face.

"And after that he just said in front of everybody that he liked me very much."

It was the first time in my life that the officer had looked, so… happy and embarrassed at the same time. I know that she's pretty dense, considering what she tells me about Shiratori and such without even realizing that they all like her too.

But for some strange reason, Matsuda's straightforwardness made her like this.

"I'm not sure if I should say yes or not…."

I gave her a wag of my tail that said plainly 'say yes!'

_What was there to think about?_

"Well, it's just that…." I looked up expectantly.

"I think I've lost so much people in my life that I forgot how to love…."

Was she kidding me? Probably the least of problems. For someone who had a nice relationship with her loving (but a little bit on the too-concerned-for-her-daughter's-future side) mother.

I cuddled against her arms and gave her a few happy licks across her face. Ah, and the tail wagging. I take it she took that as a 'don't worry' kind of thing, which was fine by me.

But what I really wanted to tell her was:

'Just be open to him like you are with me, and I'm sure it will be okay.'

* * *

She talked to me less and less these days. I don't think it had anything to do with her being an officer, but rather a human being, if you knew what I mean.

Her mother went ecstatic the time when she caught Satou actually _looking_ through her closet. Still, I thought it was nice of her to put a dish full of star candies outside on the days she were busy.

I forget since when the sugar candies that had tasted so sweet, turned bitter.

It was one ordinary morning, when the Detective Boys were called to the police station, for whatever reason. Ai-chan after looking at me for a while earlier that day, suggested that they take me along, to which the group agreed.

After some difficulty, we were lead into a set of double doors that opened to a clean room, much to their disappointment. I sniffed around, from my place in Ai-chan's arms before a young man with slightly curly hair and an aloof grin on his face greeted us.

I think he was about to introduce himself, if another officer, a woman judging from the clack of high heels hadn't entered the room.

"Waa, Mr. Officer is she your girlfriend?" Ayumi asked with shiny eyes.

"I'm worried about the future of the Japanese police," said Mitsuhiko.

Even with my closed, and half sleep, there was no mistaking that tone. "Oi, Matsuda-kun, what have you been telling them?"

There was a pause as I felt her gaze on me.

"Taru-chan?" I blushed lightly, at the name before gently wiggling out of Ai's hold and running over. It felt nostalgic to see her, but I enjoyed her company.

"Hey, how do you know him, Satou-keiji?" Genta was glancing at the both of us, trying to make sense of it all. Poor kid.

"Ah, well he's a friend that visits often." I let out a barely audible whine when she stopped petting me to hand me to Ai.

"Well now, keiji-san, I thought you were busy?" Matsuda said, eyeing the files in her hand with a knowing look.

"Says the person who was supposed to be taking care of these kids over here?" Satou easily retorted.

"Must have slipped my mind." A smile that I think was reserved for her and her only dawned on his features. It was soon replaced by his former grin though, while Satou walked away shaking her head.

She was smiling too no doubt.

* * *

I wished more than anything to be human.

To say sweet words that made her smile, and feel the warmth of her hands on mine.

Perhaps I knew way back during our first meeting, that she deserved better than just me.

Too bad it didn't prevent me from falling so hard.

It was my wishful thinking. I thought we understood each other perfectly, but for her, that person wasn't me.

Not that I have anything to say against Matsuda. Through her eyes and through mine, I believe that she would be very happy. She deserves to be happy.

And that meant more to me than the world.

But the world was cruel. It would have been much easier if I could tell her, that she was very important to me.

How I wished I could be a human.

* * *

I saw her in the park a few days later. Normally I wouldn't have liked to visit, but before I even knew where my feet were taking me, there I was.

I think even if she meant my whole life, I to her was a friend and a memory. But I guess that alone was good enough.

"Are you thinking about Matsuda-san?"

"W-Why would I think of an idiot like him?..."

After looking at me questioningly, she sheepishly said. "Did I really have such a pathetic expression on my face?"

I pondered upon her question before answering with a smile. "No… I think you look very pretty when you're happy…."

Once upon a time I was a dog whose life was like bittersweet candy stars.

Once upon a future, I could have been her lover.

Once upon a time, I could have been anything, but right now upon the present, I was her friend, and as long as she smiled it really didn't matter.

* * *

-End of "What He Really Wants to Say"-

* * *

A/N: That was it. Random but finally done. Feel free to interpret as you like for this last paragraph ;) And please no FLAMES! T^T


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